A Glimse of Heaven

November 19, 2003

It started out as a regular day I suppose.

I was back at home, Mom had sent us all back to our own families. It was going on week 2 since my sister had gone into a coma. There was no progress and decisions were not coming easy. Do they ever?

All four children were at school. The husband was at work. The sun was shining, it was a beautiful November day.

I remember driving to my counseling appointment and suddenly "seeing" my sister dressed in white, standing in the throne room of heaven and petitioning on my behalf!! The vision disappeared as quickly as it had come. Strange. But I had this overwhelming peace and joy that the counselor picked up on right away.

It really was a blessing to have a Christian counselor. I was able to explain the drive over and she understood, God works in mysterious ways!!

My day continued as usual. Picked up the children from school, laundry, cleaning and so forth. And then my husband came home early, very early...I was still floating on my cloud from the vision earlier...and then he just put his arms around me and my world, well my world became blurry.

I found out later that my sister had taken her last breath about the time I had "seen" her in heaven. You can believe me or not, however there are much stranger things listed as fact in the bible!! I believe God knows what we need.

So November 19 is my sister's heaven day!

I still can remember the scene from that day, but what always intrigues me is the prayer she was saying..."Don't give up on her, she will get it"...this is first time I have shared those words with anyone.

As you can imagine the enemy has tried very hard to use those words against me; make me doubt my salvation, my identity in Christ, and all other doubts we have about ourselves. And if I am being honest, I have fallen for a lie or two. GOD is faithful and the TRUTH has always outed the lie and I am getting it!!

And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord's people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge-that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of GOD. Ephesians 3:17-19

Paying attention to the HOLY SPIRIT

Have you ever experienced the HOLY SPIRIT pressing you do something?

This happens more often than we realize, however, there have only been a few times in my life when it was so palpable that I had no choice but to act.

It happened 2 times during that 40 day period with my sister in the hospital.

The first time was mid October, I wanted to go and visit her, I needed to go and visit her. As I was praying about the timing, Oct 31 kept coming up...literally I heard "You have to go by Oct 31" in my heart!

Not a big deal I thought, I can make that happen. However, my husband was not so sure about it. At the time we had 2 toddlers and Halloween was still being celebrated in our home. He kept saying, "but you will miss them all dressed up!" Actually, I didn't because they had a pre-school party early in that week.

It got down to me telling my husband that GOD has said I NEED to go that weekend, and I was going to buy a ticket, without researching the cost, and he was just gonna have to pay for it if he did not go right then and make arrangements for me. (My husband finds the best deals on the internet for all our travels...he is really good at!) I had my ticket within an hour :)

My visit was strained, Julia had gone through one round of chemo, sinus surgery and was finishing her second round. Her feet were black and purple, signs of no circulation. She had burns on her hands from the chemo, no hair...but when I looked in her eyes...a calmness come over me that brought me to tears. She was still there, my sister, and still full of joy!

She went into a coma and had multiple organ failure within 48 hours of me leaving and going back home.

The other was during the week of waiting. Julia was on life support and tough decisions had to be made, but only her husband could make them.

While seeing her in ICU and watching my parents having to come to terms with losing another child, this would be number 4. I left the room and just faced a white wall, couldn't move, couldn't think, couldn't speak. Then I heard the words, "You either trust ME or you don't, but you have to decide now"

Have you encountered GOD like that?? When you are at the end of the rope, end of the money, end of anything and GOD asks DO YOU TRUST ME?

I heard a question asked in the series THE TRUTH PROJECT and it went like this: Do you REALLY believe what you believe? This is what GOD was asking me, do you REALLY TRUST ME, DO YOU REALLY BELIEVE?

Isaiah 46:3-4

³ "Listen to me, O house of Jacob,
all you who remain of the house of Israel,
you whom I have upheld since you were conceived,
and have carried since your birth.

⁴ Even to your old age and gray hairs
I am he, I am he who will sustain you.
I have made you and I will carry you;
I will sustain you and I will rescue you.

I said YES, and my life has never be the same.

It's not about me, really?

The very first sentence of the book read, IT IS NOT ABOUT YOU.

I shut the book and exclaim to no one in particular, I am not ready for this yet.

This was in June 2003, luckily I did reopen the book and begin reading. GOD was laying the ground work for a very rough journey.

As I said yesterday, my sister was diagnosed and gone within 40 days! However, the correlation did not come quickly, nothing comes quickly when you are in a state of shock...time stands still.

Have you ever witnessed an accident or your child tumbling just out of hands reach? Suddenly you are living in real.life.slow. motion. Time stands still and you can not do anything about it.

So I don't remember much of the first week, just updates and my mom going to be with my sister. And I am not sure when, but I called or she called, and it was hard. She was just chatting away and then said, "can you believe I have cancer? I have cancer."

I could not speak, the water was falling faster and faster, and I had no voice, no words of encouragement, nothing.

I was thinking about myself and how much pain this was causing me, and not really what she must be going through. Actually, it was more guilt than anything. Six months earlier I had had a breast cancer scare, but it turned out to be a rare side effect from the hormones I was taking...so I had escaped, but she hadn't...my pain was guilt...why her and not me?

I still think about that phone call and so wish I had had words for her. And yet, still nothing. Maybe that is the point...quietness is sometimes louder than any spoken word. Listening is so much more powerful than talking...she was so good with both and I, well, I still wish....something anything...

That sentence still speaks volumes to me when I am at my wits end...IT IS NOT ABOUT ME...the words echo in my mind and my heart and I remember WHO it really is about. Life is not fair and bad things do happen to good people. GOD however is still GOD and still good!

My sister knew this. She did not feel sorry for herself. The phone call ended with her telling me that she would do it all over again because the blessings she was witnessing were worth it!!

In my times of hardship I try and look for the many blessings; they are there and they have been promised.

Matthew 5

The Beatitudes

¹Now when he saw the crowds, he went up on a mountainside and sat down. His disciples came to him, ²and he began to teach them saying:
³"Blessed are the poor in spirit,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
⁴Blessed are those who mourn,
for they will be comforted.
⁵Blessed are the meek,
for they will inherit the earth.
⁶Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness,
for they will be filled.
⁷Blessed are the merciful,
for they will be shown mercy.
⁸Blessed are the pure in heart,
for they will see God.
⁹Blessed are the peacemakers,
for they will be called sons of God.
¹⁰Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

¹¹"Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me. ¹²Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you.

Finding Purpose

God is up to something. Not really sure what that is, but HE is up to something.

Seven years ago my sister was diagnosed with Leukemia, and 40 days later she was gone.

With her, my identity, at least what I thought to be my identity, was also gone.

So for the next 40 days, God has asked me to write, each day, about who I have become, who HE is shaping me into. And if you have ever read anything here, you know that writing EVERY day is NOT my strong suit!! So, please understand if it is not at the exact time each day :)

I will start at the beginning...

It was sometime in August that I remember talking with my sister and she said she was fighting a sinus infection..for some reason I called my mom and said these words, "Julia is sick". How little did I know how sick she really was. It was also around this time that God was pulling me out of most of the work I was doing at our church, specifically children's ministry...I was kinda of freaking out...this had been my life for years, I talking years!! My girlfriends even asked if I had stopped taking my anti depressants...funny now, but I was freaking out and they had to ask, but no, I was still taking them!!

School started, and life got busy and then the phone call came...Julia went to the ER and they are starting chemo THIS afternoon, she has cancer, Leukemia...

WHAT???

And my world stopped, right then and there...all I could think about was GOD KNEW, GOD KNEW...that is why HE was moving me out of so much stuff...I stopped and HE KNEW I would.

It has been seven years, and it is like it was today...sometimes I still just stop.

Currently, I am fighting a cold, same time for the past six years, our bodies remember hard stops. But I am aware of it now and the colds don't last as long as they used to...I focus on JOY more than pain, and remember what GOD has done with me and what HE is still doing.

HE has been showing me my purpose, and refining me for HIS work and I think that after these next 40 days, HE will reveal a new path or an old one that will have better focus.

Please join me as I discover my purpose and heal a little more along the way...

To read a little more visit my post called In Remembrance .

Winds are blowing

(This was written a few weeks ago, however, the publish button was not pushed...distracted yet again!)

There is something in the air.

The winds are from the north now, and the leaves are starting to turn.

The Canadians are arriving in large groups. Making preparations for the journey further south.





The summer seemed to disappear rather quickly this time, almost without notice and it was gone.

Funny how that works. When we are living yet are not fully present, life seems to disappear without warning. So I have been trying to relive moments that I was fully present for and have been surprised with how much life I did not live this summer.

Moving has a way of taking you out of living in the moment. Waiting on doctor reports do too.

I spent my moments worrying and waiting, not living in the LIFE that is meant for me to live.

I am still in the old testament (that place is full to overflowing with real food from heaven) learning how God so wanted us to live in constant worship, constant companionship with HIM and how HE made it so easy for us, if only we, me, would just listen!!

Unpacked and still Trusting

So most of the boxes have been unpacked and what is not will remain that way!! Thanking God for unfinished basements!!



We have successfully moved all of Bob's office here to Minnesota, and that is a project that will be started next week...hopefully I will not fall into a filing cabinet drawer!! (Trust me I have fallen into much stranger things.)

God is still doing a mighty work here and we are trusting more and more everyday in HIS divine timing, though I will admit that I don't always agree with it or understand it...but that is the trick about trusting, you trust even when you don't understand!

Here are some photos of the "finished project" of moving....







Thanks again for all your prayers, I could not stand, much less walk with out God's grace and support from my friends!!

A Guided Life

"I am your Lord. Lord of your lives, Controller of your days, your present and your future. Leave all plans to ME. Only act as I bid you. You have entered now, both of you, upon the God-guided life. Think what that means. God-taught, God-guided. Is anything too wonderful for such a life? Do you begin to see how wonderful life with Me can be? Do you see that no evil can befall you?" --God Calling

Still in the midst of packing, but receiving encouragement in the most wonderful of ways!!


Blessings to you all!

Pictures of a recent sunset here...