Thursday, September 30, 2010

Finding Purpose

God is up to something. Not really sure what that is, but HE is up to something.

Seven years ago my sister was diagnosed with Leukemia, and 40 days later she was gone.

With her, my identity, at least what I thought to be my identity, was also gone.

So for the next 40 days, God has asked me to write, each day, about who I have become, who HE is shaping me into. And if you have ever read anything here, you know that writing EVERY day is NOT my strong suit!! So, please understand if it is not at the exact time each day :)

I will start at the beginning...

It was sometime in August that I remember talking with my sister and she said she was fighting a sinus infection..for some reason I called my mom and said these words, "Julia is sick". How little did I know how sick she really was. It was also around this time that God was pulling me out of most of the work I was doing at our church, specifically children's ministry...I was kinda of freaking out...this had been my life for years, I talking years!! My girlfriends even asked if I had stopped taking my anti depressants...funny now, but I was freaking out and they had to ask, but no, I was still taking them!!

School started, and life got busy and then the phone call came...Julia went to the ER and they are starting chemo THIS afternoon, she has cancer, Leukemia...


And my world stopped, right then and there...all I could think about was GOD KNEW, GOD KNEW...that is why HE was moving me out of so much stuff...I stopped and HE KNEW I would.

It has been seven years, and it is like it was today...sometimes I still just stop.

Currently, I am fighting a cold, same time for the past six years, our bodies remember hard stops. But I am aware of it now and the colds don't last as long as they used to...I focus on JOY more than pain, and remember what GOD has done with me and what HE is still doing.

HE has been showing me my purpose, and refining me for HIS work and I think that after these next 40 days, HE will reveal a new path or an old one that will have better focus.

Please join me as I discover my purpose and heal a little more along the way...

To read a little more visit my post called In Remembrance .

Thursday, September 9, 2010

Winds are blowing

(This was written a few weeks ago, however, the publish button was not pushed...distracted yet again!)

There is something in the air.

The winds are from the north now, and the leaves are starting to turn.

The Canadians are arriving in large groups. Making preparations for the journey further south.

The summer seemed to disappear rather quickly this time, almost without notice and it was gone.

Funny how that works. When we are living yet are not fully present, life seems to disappear without warning. So I have been trying to relive moments that I was fully present for and have been surprised with how much life I did not live this summer.

Moving has a way of taking you out of living in the moment. Waiting on doctor reports do too.

I spent my moments worrying and waiting, not living in the LIFE that is meant for me to live.

I am still in the old testament (that place is full to overflowing with real food from heaven) learning how God so wanted us to live in constant worship, constant companionship with HIM and how HE made it so easy for us, if only we, me, would just listen!!