Thursday, December 31, 2009

New Year, I am thinking of calling it "ACTION"

So, I have decided that I am a once a month writer...suits me really, I don't like sharing personal struggles everyday, it gets wearisome.

Not that everyday is a struggle, I guess I could write about blessings, ordinary things like smiles, leaves, snow, ice and such...actually I should write about those things...maybe a goal for the New Year :)

ACTION is a very powerful word. Directors of plays and movies use the word to command actors to motion. It is a verb that describe the doing, the doing of anything really. So, for this next year, I am going to do my best to start doing and stop complaining, stop waiting, and stop wanting change and make it happen with God's help!

Simple things really, not huge money making ideals, just ordinary life changes and using Daniel as my example...a set prayer time, better eating habits, prayers of thanksgiving instead of want or sorrow, watching for the Second Coming and avoiding modern day Babel. So much of this I have studied, yet have failed to do on a daily basis for long periods of time. My resolution is to make these practices into habits for a lifetime and to leave them as a legacy for my children and grandchildren (God willing).

ACTION is also being quite and letting God move as HE wills. Allowing myself to be molded and shaped in HIS hands. Following in HIS footsteps and live my HIS example. I heard it once that we can spend a lifetime praying, but until we step out into faith, we may never see the prayers takes ACTION, moving with God's timing...HE always answers with an ACTION, either to GO or to STAY, both ACTIONS, both causing us to do something, calling on strength that is not our own.

So, let's put the past behind us. Claim the gift that has been given, salvation, redemption, and forgiveness. Stand at the starting line and move into the life that God so wants us to claim, a life of freedom and fullness in HIM. A call to ACTION!

Blessing upon you and yours this NEW YEAR and won't you join me in the race of living!

Monday, November 30, 2009

Disconnected and yet...connected

So, I barely made it through Thanksgiving, somehow I was able to hold it together, but barely...

I have felt so disconnected lately, walking an emotional tight wire...the slightest movement could, and sometimes would, cause a feeling of falling off the edge. Even though I was sometimes falling into darkness, there was someone, something, either holding on or ready to catch me...disconnected and yet not alone.

This was the second Thanksgiving in Minnesota, the first was right after my sister felt like the first time, always checking my emotions, trying to keep the flood of tears from falling, trying to be thankful for the small things, which of course are never small considering the GIVER of such gifts...more checks of emotions..sigh..

The cloud has lifted yet again, praise be to HIM, the giver of ALL things!

I truly believe HE walks us through cloud banks just so we don't lose our sight...the tears cleanse and heal and we remember what to look for...the world gets our eyes dirty and we forget...the clouds come to cleanse..

Still feeling a little disconnected and yet not lost, still searching, but not in vain...looking to find my joy again...and it will come in the morning (mourning)!

Peace to my friends, and may this coming season find you searching for what the true gift is...Christ Jesus!

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

In Rememberance

Today I remember my sister who made her journey HOME six years ago...

Julia is nine years older than me, yet I connected with her more than anyone else in my life...I miss her.

I remember, I cry, I laugh and always, I smile.

How do you describe someone who so etched your life. Like the branches of a tree, there are so many lines that connect to the trunk...the life giving source. Julia was connected and she connected so many people, me being one of them.

I was so interconnected with her, co-dependent really, that when she left for HOME I lost myself.

It has taken some time, but I am, the person God wants me to be, is awakening and branching out to connect and connect others to the life giving source of the everlasting tree of life, CHRIST JESUS.

So much she has taught me, still teaching me, in her words that were once spoken but still heard. My favorite is when I was having a pity party and lamenting to her over the phone, and all she could say was how excited she was for me; I thought she was crazy and asked if she just heard what I had said...her response.."I am so excited because God is so in your face right now and bringing you closer to HIM!!" Even today, I hear those words when life has me down and giving words from someone who knew.

I cry, I smile, I get reconnected.

Dear Abba Father, keep me connected and allow me to connect others to you, the tree of life.

I love you Julia, thank you.

Pictures from my living room window and the "dancing tree" down the road...

Monday, November 9, 2009

The sun is shining, the air is crisp and I am looking for reassurance in our journey here.

This year has been a long one. Decisions made, hearts broken, and spirits tested..yet in all of this our faith has grown by leaps and bounds and our marriage has reached new heights. God's ways are so not the way of this world.

Eyes that have been shut are starting to see anew. Beauty out of the ashes, we are rising to new life.

The future is yet known, but the road looks promising. God is good, always.

With the green of summer gone, so much more can be seen. Beauty that you had no idea was hiding. Treasures not yet discovered, paths that were hidden, are now asking to be taken and explored. It is amazing how the change in seasons can change ones perspective if you only open your eyes and look.

Peace be to you today and you find new paths that have been hidden and God put new lens in your eyes so that you may see new treasures to behold.

Friday, November 6, 2009

Wow, it has been awhile! I have been keeping things to myself, not always a good thing; old defenses really, bad habits that are hard to break. Staying quite also saves us from exposing our soft spots, our tender underbellies..saves our hearts from being even more broken. Writing our thoughts makes them real and exposed, but to be healed the dark has to be exposed to the Light of TRUTH.

The seasons have changed here and it has been a wonderful experience. The trees have changed colors and have lost their leaves. The world is slowing and going into a much needed rest. The orange and gold of the leaves reminded me of crowns of glory given to servants who have been faithful..Well done good and faithful servants!! The falling leaves are seeds being planted for yet another harvest...but now rest, rest in Me for your work is done, for now.

HE has been working in me as well, and yet I have kept it to myself, the stripping away of my leaves has not been as beautiful. The quietness has not been a refreshing retreat, but a journey to the deeper levels of my sin and unfaithfulness. Yet, I am now anticipating the snow, the stillness and the peace. For the dark as been exposed to the LIGHT and healing has begun.

I am a sinner in need of God's grace.

I am blessed to be called a child of God.

I am saved by the blood of the Lamb, Jesus Christ.

I am a sinner in need of God's grace.

This year has tested me and my husband and oh how we have grown in the Lord, separately and together...God is good at all times, even when we have forgotten.

Rest and peace be to you this season of change, and watch for the crowns of glory all around you, good and faithful servants.

Monday, August 24, 2009

The unexpected in the everyday

I am not a writer, have never claimed to be, and yet I am being asked to journal my thoughts. Not in a journal for my eyes only, but for who God chooses.

So I write.

My days have been up and down, nothing spectacular. Little issues add up and I fall down on my knees as if the world is falling apart. Then I am reminded that HE is there in the little things and I have just forgotten to seek HIM there each time.

What I so habitually put into the ordinary parts of life, GOD makes them extraordinary. The way a child looks with wonder as a leaf blows and twirls with the wind. The beauty of a sunrise, and sunset. The clanging of the flag pole in the wind, sweet music if you listen with child like ears. And yet, we wake with worry and regret on our heart and minds instead of thankfulness at another chance to bring GOD's love into our hearts and begin a new relationship with HIM.

I am speaking for myself of course. My focus has been on what I do not have and this morning I have be overwhelmed with the beauty of what I do have. The beauty of life gets lost when I focus on the what the world has to offer me; or not offer me for that matter.

I was reminded that only true happiness, and contentment comes from the ONE who has created everything.

Today, I will look for the unexpected in the everyday and find my joy in HIM who is hidden in the ordinary, as long as I remember to see with the eyes of a child.

Saturday, August 8, 2009

walking in darkness

I watched an episode of Touched by an Angel the other night, the one where Tess gets Alzheimer's, and it was able to put to words what I am feeling...

At the end of the show,Tess comes out of the fog and is herself again but the last words she speaks are to an elderly woman who suffers the same thing..."though you are walking in darkness, your soul knows HIS voice and there is light at the end of this tunnel, I speak to your soul...keep listening to HIS voice, HE is always there."

I currently feel like I am in a tunnel, not sure where God is leading me, trying to be still and listen and at the same time, keep moving forward toward the light that I know is there at the end.

We went to the North Shore of Lake Superior for some much needed time away. I was hoping for a complete renewal of spirit when we returned, however the result was less than what I had hoped for. I am still tired, physically, emotionally and am needing some serious spiritual uplifting! This must be the dark night of the soul, should really finish that book...

However, my soul knows that God has not left me or forsaken me!! He is in the clouds; always a pillar before me, leading the way.

So my friends, if you feel like you are in the dark, know the storm will pass and life begins anew and fresh in the morning sun!

Thursday, July 23, 2009


Have you ever caught yourself speaking to yourself? Of course you have!

This morning was no acception. I was in serious conversation, not aloud, but with my heart, my very being, coming to terms with my unsettledness of spirit. Why am I feeling this way? How do I change it? Wishing for my spiritual journeyman(women) that have been with me for so long...they would let me rant, then gently turn me back to the One who actually could and would make things better.

Then the question came, why not just turn to ME now? AM I not the ONE who can and will bring peace and rest?

I was still missing the human contact, but no longer felt alone. I began to think about prisoners, outcast, people who truly are alone and HE is still there with why do I feel the need for more than just HIM?

This is where we all fall short and fall fast. We have allowed our society to shape us into thinking that we need to fill the void when we find ourselves lonely or alone with people, things...idols really. When the spoken word of GOD is food, drink, and companionship for our souls.

HE created nature to appeal to our senses, bring us into communion with HIM. HE created music to soothe our weary bones with the softness of HIS touch.

I have forgotten. So will you join me on a walk today, listening to HIS music of birds, feeling HIS touch with the wind, seeing HIS face in another person and remember what HE has spoken...

"Don't shuffle along, eyes to the ground, absorbed with the things right in front of you. Look up, and be alert to what is going on around...See things from HIS perspective." Col.3:1-2 The Message

Peace to you!

Saturday, July 11, 2009

Moving On

Life has been about the same; unpacking boxes, visiting with family, trying to have fun and feel normal in between.

There are moments of sadness though has you find yourself settling into your new surroundings; moments of remembrance of what once was.

This moments are happening more often now and I am catching myself longing for the familiar past and yet still wanting to look forward to what is next...emotions are strange things. So I sit and let a tear or two run down my cheek and pray for those whose lives have so dramatically been changed by the lost of life partners, children, siblings and "moving on" must be so much harder for them.

I give to HIM what I cannot fix and what I do not understand; and I sit with HIM and watch and wait...and let the smiles and tears join together in remembrance and hope, knowing that all is well when I sit with HIM.

To all my friends in Texas, I miss you terribly!! I know, that I know there is a place for me here and it will not be long before it is please stay in prayer with me, I am very excited as to what the good Lord has planned!

Thursday, July 2, 2009


What a funny word, HOME, there are so many little sayings that go with it. I have been pondering what home is for a few days and have some thoughts I would like to share.

First, though I would like to say Hi, it has been a while since I sat and wrote. Too many boxes to unpack, but I am making head way and this house is beginning to feel like a home.

So back to my little blog on the word "home"....

When I think of "home", I think of my hometown where my parents still live and then I think of Texas. Places that are familiar to me. The saying, "home is where the heart is", brings great comfort to me, especially when I don't feel like I am in a familiar place. My heart's home is with God and He is everywhere I am! This makes facing changes so much more bearable and enjoyable...He will be there to greet me and surprise me!

I have had a great many surprises already during the last three weeks of this move, small little miracles that bring peace to a whirlwind of activity. I am trying to teach this to my children, though they don't always see it the way I am trying to teach them...but it will come and they are finding comfort in the familiar as we unpack boxes and toys are found and old ones instantly become long lost loved treasures.

The husband was able to come home to the smells of supper cooking and remarked that is was starting to smell like a home...a familiar smell brings joy and comfort. Cooking and cleaning bring a strange comfort to me as well, making a house a home...a place of rest and renewing.

We can find all of this with God if you spend some time with HIM. He promises to bring rest to the weary, food to the hungry, and to renew a right spirit within us! The joy and peace comes from the quite moments spent in reflection and prayer. If you find yourself far from home, stop and sit and listen to the small voice calling you homeward, you will find your true home; a home that is never farther then the words..Father, hear me!!

This Texan is finding that a different state is not all that different as long as I have my heart centered on its true home! ( of course it is still summer time!) My prayer for you is that you are able to find your true home and that it is never far from you.

Have a wonderful weekend, and remember Freedom is not free; Jesus died for your eternal freedom and many young men and women have died for your mortal freedoms!

God bless America and America bless God!

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

This day, rejoice!

This is the day the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it! Psalm 118:24

Some words are so common to us that we forget how much power there is in them. Take for instance the above verse from Psalm 118, how many times have you heard this verse and agreed or have said, "Yea, whatever, not really rejoicing today!" WE all do this, but I have found if you take one verse and really meditate on it, new and deeper meaning comes to light.

Psalm 118 is all about rejoicing in God's unchanging love, unchanging in not something that is happening today...lots of changes everywhere...but God is unchanging...He is the same as the beginning, now and forever more!

I have recently been meditating on this verse for various reasons, and recently took out a few words and it totally changed my perspective: THIS day the Lord has made, rejoice and be glad...WoW...a little emphasis on certain words changes everything, to me anyway. Now, no matter what the day holds, THIS day, I can rejoice and be glad because God made it, He is in it, around it and HE will carry me through it!!

Also, try saying it out might just be surprised as to the state of your heart! I have done this many times with passages, but once I was so convicted that I now make it a practice, especially on low days.

The passage that convicted me was 1Corinthians 13:4, you know the one...Love is patient, love is kind... Well, that particular day I was not feeling it and when I was reading the passage I was prompted by the Spirit to read it aloud...luckily I was alone, because my attitude came out in my tone...OUCH! I was saying the words, but so not living the words...and that is the point!!

So, rejoice and be glad for This is the day that the LORD has made, no matter what it may bring find JOY in HIM today!

I will practicing this all day....It is moving day!

Monday, June 8, 2009

Whispers in the wind

Today was a better day, thank goodness for New Mercies every morning!!

The wind has been blowing all day, a gentle breeze really...nice in Texas when temps are already reaching in the mid nineties. But there was something special about the breeze today...

Today, as I closed by eyes and was present in the moment, the breeze came across my face and I heard a whisper...very soft and faint; you had to really be present to hear said "I am here, find rest in me." At that moment, the breeze blowing, the birds singing, the earth quite...I heard the whisper and I rested.

I hope that you find rest in the ONE who says that HIS yoke is light; rest from the ONE who gives it to the weary and down trodden...stop for a moment and be present and listen for the whisper on the wind, and find REST IN HIM, Christ Jesus!

Blessing to you and yours this peaceful summer evening.

Sunday, June 7, 2009

A lesson for myself

Well, it is Sunday, nice breeze, birds singing and sunshine...

We were originally going to be on the road this morning, but as life would have it, things change and schedules are adjusted and I have been given a beautiful Sunday morning to relax!

There are those whose cannot, do not, and sometimes just refuse to "go with the flow", and become angry in the delays or interruptions. I do feel sorry for these people, as I was once one of them...I missed so many blessings being angry and frustrated!

Take for instance, when you are trying to get somewhere in a hurry and you continue to make wrong turns, detours or delays..instead of being upset, I thank God for saving me from something that was perhaps not the best for takes practice..but eventually the blessings are so easy to see and enjoy; and it is much healthier for you too!

This is a two part post...this is what happened shortly after writing the above:

We received a call to show the house between 2-4 at noon...all fine and was clean just needed to be picked up.

One child went to the neighbors, husband took the other to swim and I took the dogs and boat which was okay until I allowed "myself" to start thinking about "me"...Satan's favorite time to attack!!

It was hot, I was tired and it seemed like nobody cared about "me" except me...first mistake! Kinda started a pity party...four o'clock came and I went home, received another call ...the people for the first showing did not come and now wanted to come at 5:00....I was angry to say the least...ya know the kind of angry where all you can do is cry, that was were I was!! So now back into the truck with the dogs and pulling the boat, said a few words to the husband that should not have been said and realized I was on the previously mentioned field trip...yikes!!

Why is it that when we feel the most "spiritual", like this morning when I began this post, we get sidelined? Paul wrote to the Romans: I realize that I don't have what it takes. I can will it, but I can't do it. I decide to do good, but I don't really do it, I decide not to do bad, but then I do it anyway. But there is GOOD NEWS!! With the arrival of Jesus, the Messiah, that fateful dilemma is resolved. Romans 7:17-20 If it were not for the saving GRACE of Jesus Christ, I still might be angry, fighting with my husband and just a it is, I have a slight headache and a knowledge that I am still learning; and I did to keep practicing what I preach!!

Tomorrow is another day and God willing, a new chance to do better and become more like His son Jesus Christ!!

May the peace of the Lord be with you all!!

Friday, June 5, 2009

More background stuff...

I feel like I am not flowing very well with my thoughts, but I feel like I am trying to catch you up on so much bare with me!

Miracles...people don't seem to think they happen any more or that we create are own...I totally disagree with both ideas. Miracles happen everyday, you just need to looking and listening for them...which means you need to be in a relationship with the ONE who is the MIRACLE WORKER..JESUS! I just might have lost a few readers with that sentence, but I truly hope you stick around....

My miracles:
New House: heated floors (remember I am a Texan who is always barefoot); dog shower in laundry room..we have two large dogs who love the water; space for an apartment either in detached garage or in the basement for when Bob's mom is ready; fixtures and electronic equipment that we picked out for the house we built in Texas already in place in the new house

I know some of you are saying, okay so what is the big deal...little gifts from God are miracles and in each room of this house there was a little gift...HIS fingerprints were every where!!

Teenage step daughter: totally hates the idea that we are moving (she is staying with her mom to finish out her senior year); miracle is that this has opened new levels of communication not only with her, but also between my husband and myself...lessons in faith and trust are a plenty!!

Friends: some are in disagreement, some are supportive; however it has caused me to look to Jesus more than man/woman for today's world that equals a miracle!!

God's ways are not our ways: He has given me eyes to see HIS way in a much clearer view! I really do love my new eyes!! Though, there are times I would prefer the straight upfront route..but then not everyone who is suppose to be blessed would more eye check ups to come!

Quite Peace: this is my biggest miracle...really I have been at peace about so many things and assured that the decisions made have been right and best...when you are in a true, life transforming relationship with GOD the quite peace is sometimes to much to take truly is emotionally overpowering, in a good way! I pray that you experience this, especially in today's world which is so unsettling!

May the Peace of Lord be with you today and always!

Thursday, June 4, 2009

The Decision to Move

So I guess I should back up a bit and give a little more information about the big move...

It all started when I married a man from Minnesota, who happened to be living in the time his two children were six and three, so he was not leaving any time soon...time has passed however and those children are now twenty and seventeen! Thus the move back home to Minnesota; and my story begins..

I will try to not bore you with the "moving" details, only those that have transformed the ordinary into divine learning. And I will try not to get up on the soap box that has a tendency to find itself under my feet!

The first lesson is that once you say "yes" to a prompting from God, be ready ... He moves loving husband announced he was ready to move back to Minnesota in mid January and the house was on the market February 1; found a new home by the end of February; and am now moving 2 days after school lets out....Did I mention the house has not sold yet?

I feel like an Israelite when Moses said we are leaving and the next thing they were crossing the Red Sea...the Red River in my case! It took alot of trust and knowing God was in front leading the trust meter has been running on overtime lately and I have found great peace in reading the Exodus...So I am trusting, believing and expecting great things in the next few weeks...stay tune and I will let ya know the miracles that occur!

If we are willing and open, lives little adventures turn into spiritual transformations and the world has become your classroom..."remember to pay attention in the classroom, because some field trips are just not ones we want to go on!"-Beth Moore

The Begining of an Adventure

Well, here goes, my first blog attempt! I am doing this as a spiritual discipline, like journaling but on a computer :) Hence the title of the blog..Transforming Texan...

I am a native, generational Texan who is moving to about a spiritual journey!

So, this move has sparked a desire to write about the changes, challenges, blessings and down right miracles that are occurring and will occur... so please stay tuned.

I do not consider myself a writer, so this is a stretch for me; but aren't most spiritual journeys? Stretching is how we learn, heal and eventually grow into more of who God wants us to become.

Please enjoy and maybe, just maybe, you will join me in my strecthing exercises and grow a little with me.