Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Naming Dreams, Kinda of..

I know I haven't written in awhile, but really I did not know it has been since February!! Where has the time gone?

Time did not get lost, I did.

I got lost in the land of "what ifs" and "should haves" and "to scared to".

Then my son missed 20 days of school, let's just all of March! Surgery, strep, and a virus all rolled into least it seemed it all happened at the same time!

And before I knew it the school had ended and here I am, still lost, but climbing out of fear.

Such a small word, fear, but oh the mess it can cause.

I have this idea of what I think God is calling me to do, actually it is more than an idea and it has been confirmed more than is what I am being called to do...but.. (yes another small word that causes darkness to settle)

Don't get me wrong, I haven't just been idle all this time stewing on the risks and the reality of being unequipped..I have stepped out...just really small steps! And now, well, now I know it is time to stretch and reach for the larger steps. The ones that make your brow fill with beads of sweat and have you question "why on earth did I just do this?" I am sure you know the kind I am talking about...risks..stepping out in faith, being obedient even when it doesn't make sense.

So many times, I have started to write only to close the computer and say.."no body wants to read your pity party, or how you constantly question what is the right thing to do.."

But today, I was re-reading Ann Voskamp's book and a light bulb went off! In the middle of chapter 3, she talks about naming things and writing them down...and in doing so gives them back to God who created it in the first thanks!

I should write, not because someone is reading it or not, but because in putting pen to paper (or fingers to key board) I am naming my God-given dreams and giving thanks even if they don't make sense at the moment. And in writing, you can "see"and it is no longer in the shadows, light can shine on it, whatever it is, and all things can begin to take shape in the light.

God has given me a dream, one with many parts, and I am starting small but I am stretching and reaching and praying. And as a pastor once said, "We can spend all our time on our knees praying, but if we don't get up and walk forward, we may never see the prayer answered!"

So, today, I am naming and giving thanks and walking forward...


Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Finding REAL love...

This is a re-post, but it fits nicely with the Jam this least I think so!

Team Jesus

Okay, so I will admit that I have read the Twilight series and am keeping up to date on the movie releases..however this is NOT about is about finding out someone has a CRUSH on you!!!

I am one of the girls who has always dreamed of "the man" who sweeps you off your feet, will fight to the death for know exactly what I am talking about if you are a hopeless romantic too!! (The fact is I think all women are looking for this, even if they don't want to admit it!!)

The problem is that Hollywood has never failed at making us drool over some character to the point we think the actor playing the character is one in the same {insert any and all male actors who play a romantic hero} ...not only that but they start targeting us at such an early age, when we are just starting to fantasize about Mr. Right!!

I know... I fell young and hard to the lie that there was a man that could match all expectations, even if some of those expectations where as lofty as the clouds.

I came from a loving family. I KNEW that I was loved, that God loved me and I had a great Daddy who not only loved all of us kids, but adores my Mom! Still, by the time I was 16, I so wanted to BE loved...what I really wanted (hindsight is great by the way)was to be the object of some one's desire..what made them want to get up in the morning, to lay down their life for me...anyone know what I am talking about??

So at 18, I was naively honest with someone about my romantic self and I started in a relationship that was not the best for me...I soon got married and then divorced shortly after that...the WHOLE relationship lasted less than 6 years!!

The funny thing, I still wanted to find that person who could/would fit into MY vision!!

Do you remember the movie BRAVEHEART? Well, I was in the movies, with the person I was currently in a relationship with, and made the comment that I wanted the love and commitment that was displayed in that movie, (searching for and hoping for the answer I wanted...) he proceeds to say, in a "matter of fact" way, "you won't be getting that from me"...I left that movie totally crushed.

So another relationship ended and I was broken more this time than the first one in which I had actually been married!!

GOD is good! And HE sent me someone, who does not think the world revolves around me, but..loves me like no other. We have been married for over 13 years and are still acting like it is our honeymoon!

I throw that in there because the truth is I still have yearned for that "object of desire" feeling from someone about ME!! That was until Sunday...

So, my husband has been traveling..a lot, and I was in need of some time without kiddos, and the newest movie in the Twilight series has been out for two I went all by myself to see it. All those thoughts of being that object of desire for someone surfaced again, but differently than as a naive teenager. I know now that expectations are sometimes lies told by the enemy to keep us from the great stuff God has in store for us; and I know that I am truly happily married, so what was with all the old desires surfacing???

Well, as I was driving home and hashing out my thoughts...God started playing HIS own love story in my mind...and guess what...I AM HIS OBJECT OF DESIRE!!! I almost had to pull the car over...

I am the reason Jesus was born and came to live among us
I am the reason Jesus died on the cross for sins of ALL mankind
I am the reason Jesus kicked some evil booty
I am the reason Jesus rose again on the third day
I am the reason Jesus WILL COME AGAIN!!!!

And the best part, YOU are HIS object of desire too!!!

I don't know where you are right now, today...but it has taken me all this time to 'get it' that God wants us so much more than we want him!!

And now that I have gotten that message loud and clear...I have the silliest grin on my face!!


Won't you let HIM have one on you too?

Click here to read more about finding that TRUE love!!


Thursday, January 13, 2011


Over the years I have learned that being surrounded by fellow 'walkers of the WAY', has been both a blessing and a struggle. (You noticed that I did not say 'Christians'...I strongly feel that label leaves lots to be desired...many claim to be, but their actions speak louder than their words...I am talking about people who REALLY believe what they believe and their lives SHOW it!)

Take for instance on Tuesday, like most of the United States, it was make a long story short, on the way to school we hit a slick spot and did a 180 into a snow bank! That afternoon after all was fixed and done, I was looking for people to join me in my pity party...this is where the struggle comes in...

Every single person I spoke with that day quickly pointed out how we were blessed that day!! True, we were very damage to the car, to us or to other cars...had the money to get 4 new daughter did NOT have a panic attack during or after the ordeal...handled it all with my husband out of mother-in-law spent time with me that morning while I calmed down

BUT...I really wanted to break down and cry and complain that my husband was out of town, we have gotten more than our fair share of snow

(Minnesota, I know there is suppose to be snow...but not non stop!),
and I was far away from MY family!

My own Daddy was on the blessings band wagon too!!

Funny isn't it?? How we can always point out the blessings when we are walking in the LIGHT!

If I wasn't surrounded by this great group of people (my parents included), this little incident could have blown way out of proportion .... look at what the enemy would have loved to have happened...

I could have held a grudge against my husband for "having to travel" instead of being thankful for a job = a breaking down of my marriage

I could have spent the day playing the "what if" game and gotten too scared to drive in the snow again which is not practical considering where I live = anxiety and depression

I could have totally lost it instead of pointing out how well my children handled the situation = words that cause brokenness instead of love and growth

I could have refused to see my mother in law simply because she is not my mom = not allowing GOD to work in or use someone

The enemy wanted to have a hay day with me on Tuesday, but GOD had other plans!!

So even if it is annoying to have the blessings pointed out to you when all you want is a pity party, remember who is throwing the pity party!!

Walk in the LIGHT and in ALL THINGS give THANKS and PRAISE...we are!!