Wednesday, October 24, 2012

I am still here...

The last post about did me in. Emotionally I mean. I ended up in a place that I thought was long forgotten, at least buried deep enough to not be found. But the hole opened up and I fell right in. It has taken me some time to climb back out...burying it again was not an option.

Add in the two full moons in August, school starting, and other various life took much longer than I expected to find my way back to the surface. There were moments when I thought I really needed to seek professional help, because I have before, and I know those moments are but a shadow away from reality. This time, though, the healing needed to go beyond symptoms and something new needed to fill the hole.

It was a Monday morning, kids were at school, the weather was changing I told my husband that I was going to spend the day at the Arboretum with God. There was laundry to be done, floors to clean, but I was empty and depressed. So that is what I did. And this is what HE had for me...

I stopped at a pond and prayed that HE would meet me there. Just let me know all of this "suffering" was not for nothing. I just needed, wanted to know that I was doing this the way HE wanted.

I left the pond with an open mind and open heart. No agenda, no ipod, nothing and started walking into the woods.
The views HE provided were breathtaking.

Why do we so easily forget what a great artist and creator HE is?
Then I came up a hill and was taken aback by the barrenness of this huge oak tree.
And as if on cue, I turned to by left and there was a maple in full glory.
I am almost ashamed to admit this, but I looked at the oak, then again at the maple and walked towards the maple. The oak mirrored what I was feeling already, and I wanted to escape that empty, dead filling. The maple was full of color and the sun was making the leaves sparkle...I needed color, life, sparkle! Almost instantly as I turned toward the sparkle of the maple, my heart sank. I was struck by the Spirit. I had chosen the "world" over God. Did I immediately run to the oak, no...I continued to walk the path past the maple..but the Spirit would not let me be...I did ask for HIM to join me...
I turned around and went back towards the oak. Its size caught my attention again. That mighty oak, though stripped of the majority of its leaves reminded of home. Its old, craved branches pulled me in to study the depths of its bark. I knew I had to take a picture.

As I was looking for a place to set down my bag, I noticed a bench in the bushes...and this is what I found when I went to place my bag...
I was stunned. Not only had HE met me there, HE saved me there, again.
 (if you can't make out the picture it says: Jesus said, The Spirit of the Lord is upon me to grant to those who mourn, garland instead of ashes, gladness instead of mourning, praises instead of a faint spirit. That they may be called oaks of righteousness, the planting of the Lord.~Isaiah 61:1-3, Luke 4:18-19) 

Was I instantly not depressed or empty, no...but I knew I was healing and that brought me joy, the kind that only HE can give!

 And has the winter starts to show itself here, I am clinging to that joy!

 My friends, no matter how deep the hole is that you may have dug, HE is there and will provide the way out. For even in the coldest of winters, the rose will bloom in the spring!!