Monday, November 30, 2009

Disconnected and yet...connected

So, I barely made it through Thanksgiving, somehow I was able to hold it together, but barely...

I have felt so disconnected lately, walking an emotional tight wire...the slightest movement could, and sometimes would, cause a feeling of falling off the edge. Even though I was sometimes falling into darkness, there was someone, something, either holding on or ready to catch me...disconnected and yet not alone.

This was the second Thanksgiving in Minnesota, the first was right after my sister felt like the first time, always checking my emotions, trying to keep the flood of tears from falling, trying to be thankful for the small things, which of course are never small considering the GIVER of such gifts...more checks of emotions..sigh..

The cloud has lifted yet again, praise be to HIM, the giver of ALL things!

I truly believe HE walks us through cloud banks just so we don't lose our sight...the tears cleanse and heal and we remember what to look for...the world gets our eyes dirty and we forget...the clouds come to cleanse..

Still feeling a little disconnected and yet not lost, still searching, but not in vain...looking to find my joy again...and it will come in the morning (mourning)!

Peace to my friends, and may this coming season find you searching for what the true gift is...Christ Jesus!

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

In Rememberance

Today I remember my sister who made her journey HOME six years ago...

Julia is nine years older than me, yet I connected with her more than anyone else in my life...I miss her.

I remember, I cry, I laugh and always, I smile.

How do you describe someone who so etched your life. Like the branches of a tree, there are so many lines that connect to the trunk...the life giving source. Julia was connected and she connected so many people, me being one of them.

I was so interconnected with her, co-dependent really, that when she left for HOME I lost myself.

It has taken some time, but I am, the person God wants me to be, is awakening and branching out to connect and connect others to the life giving source of the everlasting tree of life, CHRIST JESUS.

So much she has taught me, still teaching me, in her words that were once spoken but still heard. My favorite is when I was having a pity party and lamenting to her over the phone, and all she could say was how excited she was for me; I thought she was crazy and asked if she just heard what I had said...her response.."I am so excited because God is so in your face right now and bringing you closer to HIM!!" Even today, I hear those words when life has me down and giving words from someone who knew.

I cry, I smile, I get reconnected.

Dear Abba Father, keep me connected and allow me to connect others to you, the tree of life.

I love you Julia, thank you.

Pictures from my living room window and the "dancing tree" down the road...

Monday, November 9, 2009

The sun is shining, the air is crisp and I am looking for reassurance in our journey here.

This year has been a long one. Decisions made, hearts broken, and spirits tested..yet in all of this our faith has grown by leaps and bounds and our marriage has reached new heights. God's ways are so not the way of this world.

Eyes that have been shut are starting to see anew. Beauty out of the ashes, we are rising to new life.

The future is yet known, but the road looks promising. God is good, always.

With the green of summer gone, so much more can be seen. Beauty that you had no idea was hiding. Treasures not yet discovered, paths that were hidden, are now asking to be taken and explored. It is amazing how the change in seasons can change ones perspective if you only open your eyes and look.

Peace be to you today and you find new paths that have been hidden and God put new lens in your eyes so that you may see new treasures to behold.

Friday, November 6, 2009

Wow, it has been awhile! I have been keeping things to myself, not always a good thing; old defenses really, bad habits that are hard to break. Staying quite also saves us from exposing our soft spots, our tender underbellies..saves our hearts from being even more broken. Writing our thoughts makes them real and exposed, but to be healed the dark has to be exposed to the Light of TRUTH.

The seasons have changed here and it has been a wonderful experience. The trees have changed colors and have lost their leaves. The world is slowing and going into a much needed rest. The orange and gold of the leaves reminded me of crowns of glory given to servants who have been faithful..Well done good and faithful servants!! The falling leaves are seeds being planted for yet another harvest...but now rest, rest in Me for your work is done, for now.

HE has been working in me as well, and yet I have kept it to myself, the stripping away of my leaves has not been as beautiful. The quietness has not been a refreshing retreat, but a journey to the deeper levels of my sin and unfaithfulness. Yet, I am now anticipating the snow, the stillness and the peace. For the dark as been exposed to the LIGHT and healing has begun.

I am a sinner in need of God's grace.

I am blessed to be called a child of God.

I am saved by the blood of the Lamb, Jesus Christ.

I am a sinner in need of God's grace.

This year has tested me and my husband and oh how we have grown in the Lord, separately and together...God is good at all times, even when we have forgotten.

Rest and peace be to you this season of change, and watch for the crowns of glory all around you, good and faithful servants.