With the awakening came guilt. How much have I missed? Did everyone else know I was emotionally unconscious? Have I left scars in my children by not being present?
The enemy went to work right away! Luckily, so did GOD!
GOD had not taken me out of every part of ministry, I was still in a women's group at church. My saving grace. I was able to be honest here about my awakening. No condemnation, no guilt, just encouragement. I think I apologized to my table for a year, for I was the table leader...thankfully the HOLY SPIRIT was always present and did the leading!! (Thank you Vicky and Karyn for being faithful to the calling of forming Mom's and Mosaics!)
That winter I started a Beth Moore study on Daniel. I have done other studies before, but this time I could not get enough! I even took it on vacation to Hawaii...downloaded video, had it at the pool...my oldest daughter even noticed how I just could not put it down! Something inside me became ALIVE and the WORD BECAME ALIVE in a new and powerful way!
From there GOD had me in two years of Spiritual Transformation classes, getting back to basics as it were. But this was a much deeper level, more profound. I participated in silent retreats, reading Foster, Nouwen and others, learning how to become the BELOVED.
The foundation of my true identity was being reinforced. I was learning who GOD created me to be. I was learning that HE alone held the key to who I am, who I was, and who I am to become.