Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Life became blurred
Just like the windows in winter, my life became frosted over and blurry.
A numbness settled in.
I was still claiming the Good News, don't get me wrong, but I lost a very large piece of who I was. I no longer knew myself, for I had so entwined who I was with who my sister was. My identity was shaken down to its very core. I was blurred.
The best way to describe it is to say that I went into a emotional deep sleep. I went through the motions of everyday living without really being present. Do you find yourself there at times?
St. John of the Cross describes it in the Dark Night of the Soul. A time when GOD seems distant. A time when you feel much loss and pain. A time when the old ways don't fit you anymore and your not sure of the new path you are walking down.
So, I went to sleep. Really, I slept in the literal sense and the not so literal sense.
I wish I could tell you that something so profound happened to me and I transformed into this amazing creature, but no, nothing like that happened.
I do remember though, the day I woke up! September 15, 2006 How do I remember that day you might ask, I wrote it down!! : )
See, that summer I had several nieces have birthdays, one being my sister's daughter, and I was totally taken back when they told me their age....two full years had passed and I was unaware of the time passing. Does that make sense??
I was shopping in a Christian book store and came across a HOT PINK bible and just knew I had to have it...I went home and wrote the date in it and the words.."Coming out of my slumber!"
GOD even gave me a bible verse..."Wake up sleeper, rise from the dead and Christ will shine on you" Ephesians 5:14
It was from this day forward that I have become my own person in Christ. I am more alive today and sure of who I am (in Christ) than all my days before! However, it did not happen over night...and I am still coming out of my slumber.